I need this PowerPoint corrected and be at least 10 minutes long with speaker notes.
these are the instructor’s corrective comments:
I’m glad to see that you have a strong interest in this subject, but, again, I encourage you to narrow your topic considerble. Your topid is so broad that most of your claims are overly vague and general. You do not really have a satisfactory thesis for this paper, and your research is vague. Your claims are overly general, and you do not cite your sources. You need to cite your source for each claim. As I said from the outet, I suggest that you rethink this paper. If you email me a new thesis that is narrower in scope, I can critique it and help you make it into something that is genuinely arguable and something for which you can provide specific evidence to suport.
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Jill Steiner, Oct 13 at 7:14am |
You also need to proofread your paper. You have numerous grammatical errors, which you need to corrrect. See my specific feedback in the essay attached above. | Jill Steiner, Oct 13 at 7:16am |
Your peer reviews are precise and thoughtful. You make constructive suggestions to both of your peers. You should try to bemore precise in your own writing. |
Jill Steiner, Oct 13 at 7:18am |
Going back to your draft, I should also mention that your argument is quite redundant. You repeat the same observations about contrasting ways of looking at the wars several times. If your claims were more precise, you would be developing a more finely reasoned argument. |
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